When I am at his family gatherings his family is also really nice, makes me feel comfortable. His siblings don't speak much english but we still communicate. His family from the beginning is ok with our relationship its just my mom who isn't ok with it. What I mostly hear from my mom when she wants me to break up with my boyfriend is he will someday cheat on me, he wont love me till the end because he is not Hmong. But that is not true. It's kind of hard being in a interracial relationship because of the language barriers, and culture differences but at the end it all comes down to being in love.
Your family will learn to love them, it takes time but you will get there. It's been 3 years since my boyfriend and I started dating we've gone through all issues, my mom is slowly accepting him and our relationship is still going strong. In My Own Opinion. I don't believe there is anything wrong with dating outside your race, for any ethnicity. When it comes to Marriage however, is when things get a bit difficult.
But this, i also believe is entirely up to you and your significant other. And Both your families work out on your Relationship. When anything should happen to you. You will have to go back to your family for burial, or your husband has to bury you. But when your married to an outside race That being spoken is sad and not wanted to be talked of.
But it's actually the Reality of Truth that Old g's doesn't want to say to there kids about. Thats why they say " best is stay in your race " but no ones perfect, everyone makes mistakes, and everyone just want there own happiness. You have the rights to choose whatever You like, and suits you better. Preferably, the mixing with other Asian ethnicity should be a strong one. It greater enhances the gene pool. Then, there comes the absorbing of other Asian, ethnic cultures which is always an enrichment because it builds more strength in terms of ties, bonds, alliance, relationship, etc.
I think you guys are just too picky.
- Reasons Why I Don’t Date Hmong Guys Anymore | Hmong Life Advice?
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There are good decent Hmong guys out there but you never give them a chance. This goes to Hmong and non-Hmong people. Mommy , Jan 29, As long as you guys have a good understanding of your and his culture and be able to adapt to it, it should be no problem. My friend used to date this white guy and the white guy is actually more Hmong than her. He wears the red strings and helps her parents with the shaman rituals.
He asked her parents for her hand in marriage and was willing to pay for the bride price too Do what your heart tells you, but take your brain with you too. I'm not hmong, but I'm married to a Hmong guy. At first his parents weren't accepting of me, but now they have learned to accept the fact that were in love and were gonna be together so they have no choice. I understand that family and tradition is very important to some less to others, but I don't think that one should limit themselves because of it.
Anyways my husband's bestfriend is white and he is by far more hmong then my husband is lol. He dates hmong girls, tries to speak hmong all the time, joins an all hmong basketball team, and a hmong cultural group in college and eats and loves hmong food.
Is there anything I should expect or look out for. His mistakes, cost him his wife and child they are still alive. I like what this girl is writing. Everyone is entitle to their own opinion. When you learn that what you have is only an illusion of what everyone wanted you to believe is real.
That is when you can truly be free. What you have been through.! While I agree with you on a lot of points, I have to respectfully disagree on others. I would hate to be with somebody who has turned his back on his culture entirely. He can then, easily turn his back on you too. Balance is always the key. My husband, for example, is traditional. He goes to family gatherings, funerals, and meetings with his relatives. I cook for her and help take care of her whenever we visit.
All his brothers are like that too. The perfect Hmong man might what you least expected. LOL…Before anyone makes judgemental issues out of this. One can date whoever they please, or married. There are lots of mama boys there, may it be Hmong or non-Hmong. One cant make judgemental base what everyone is thinking or chose base on a romantic notion. Love comes in all forms, may it be male-female or same sex. Personally I have been married to a white guy for almost 20 yrs. Everyone, Hmong person, may it be my relatives or a Hmong stranger or other races convience that it wont work.
But it did, because we respect in each other and love each other. It doesnt matter who u married or date either hmong or non, what you wants that really matters.
You just slept with a Hmong Girl forum
You have a bias opinion for not dating Hmong men. I find your opinion unjustified towards nontraditional Hmong men. I stay off the path of being traditional because it will not get me anywhere. The reason why Hmong men continue to be the same is they view their traditional values is more important than adapting to change. In the Hmong community, they refuse to change because they fear the Hmong culture will disappear. The only way for a Hmong man to change is they work and live away from Hmong people. It annoys me every time Hmong people say Meeka style weddings are more expensive than Hmong wedding.
I am not bother by Hmong girls dating different race other than Hmong. What bothers me is Hmong girls who act rebellious against Hmong men and refuses to acknowledge Hmong men at all. They think all Hmong men are the same; reject their own ethnicity and become prejudice towards Hmong men.
My brothers are successful and most of all respectful. You have your preference but what you wrote is racial against all Hmong Men.. You shoul be ashamed of yourself… Tsk tsk tsk. Whoever wrote this article must be one bitter person.
Dating Hmong Guys help?
They are usually taken. Please do not generalize because there are some very successful Hmong men out there. Happily married to an older Hmong woman 1. I am just as well versed in our Hmong culture. The more experiences and larger sample size will help in your final analysis. Not looking to change your mind but I challenge you to keep an open mind. I love my Hmong sisters even though I dated outside our ethnic group in the past. So, Im a hmong guy 21 and i agree with you on some aspects. I agree that lots of hmong guys are stuck to traditions, i never realized it until i got back home for leave from the army, i had no idea what anybody was doing anymore and most of my cousins male were either now married or expecting a kid.
Im also the black sheep in the family due to my want to travel and me being attracted to other cultures. Ive always wondered why i get so much crap for thay. Well, most of what she said is right. There are more to it than just this. Some even listen to their parents and agrees with their parents just to not get into trouble.
Even though I live in a community of Hmong Minnesota , I still keep my distance. So no matter what wrong or right my parents had did to me, I know that somewhere in there they still love me. There was a fight and one guy shoot another, I thought about it and I was glad that I never went to that party. My boyfriend, some friends, and I took a trip to visit China and met a lot of hmong-chinese there. Plus, they are smart, tall, light skinned, and well mannered.
A hand full of those young hmong men are either enrolled in yunnan university, ghuizhou university, or mingzu university affirmative action works over here for ethnic minorities in china Oh! There are a lot of hmong professionals men and women in wenshan and kaili city — many doctors, college instructors, etc etc.
If you were more financially successful than your non-Hmong man … if your career required you to be away from home more than your non-Hmong man … if you asked your non-Hmong to sacrifice his career to be a stay-at-home dad so you could advance your career … if you required your non-Hmong man to be a house maid more than you … etc …. I guarantee you, your non-Hmong man will eventually feel emasculated and leave your azz for somebody else who makes him feel superior like a man again. When you do this, you will see that whether you are with a Hmong man or non-Hmong man, the same human nature about relationships between a man and women exists.
The grievances you have about a Hmong man does not disappear by being with a non-Hmong man. That sounds like your own prejudice against Hmong men. Let me try again to make you understand: There is no such thing as equal power in a relationship. Any psychologist can tell you this. If you thought as highly as Hmong men as you did white men, you would not be so angry over your perceived inequalities about Hmong relationships.
Step all over your non-Hmong husband. Make yourself the head of your family. You emasculate him passed that tipping point, he will leave yo azz. Time will prove me right, when our community starts seeing all the divorcee Hmong women who thought non-Hmong men were better. I will tell you my marriage is not your typical Hmong marriage now. Your circumstances will always change and you will need to know how to adjust.
And you always have to constantly work on your marriage. Who has a better paying job? Who is the sole supporter of the family? I chose this path in our marriage as an individual and he supported. My husband is now the stay at home husband. He does all the cooking, cleaning, house chores, and handles the finance.
All I do is work. Does this mean I have emasculated him? If I did, our marriage would be over. I respect his decision and him as an individual. Does this mean he has given up his dreams? He still dreams, but the thing is, we have a common dream. How we get there, are 2 different paths that will eventually meet.
He does not plan to stay at home forever, even though selfishly, I would like him to. We have had 12 years of ups and downs. Anything you want to throw our way, I think we have somewhat lived it from the traditional marriage with in-laws to non-traditional culture. So to the point now…Hmong men should not be generalized or emasculated.
I believe everyone is unique. Emasculating is a huge problem that many women need to become more aware of. You, as the wife, have the power to empower your husband to be better. You provide the support he needs to be a better man and just trust him. Be a woman first get all your needs met — helps emotionally , then a wife and a mother and then any other roles you may have.
I totally agree with a lot of points, and I am a Hmong male myself! However, believe me, I completely understand your perspective. In college your likely hood of meeting another Hmong person is very rare. Plus, there are a lot of Caucasians in college. My parents are cool about it since they are Americanized and raised in the USA since they were toddlers. They mostly speak English and hardly know much about China. Being Hmong and dating a white man…my mom really really hates it! Generalizations are a common issue in any community.
The reason why we generalize so much within the Hmong community is because we identify ourselves as Hmong. We see it in the media. We see it in pop culture. I condemn it, and I know many Hmong men who do as well. With that being said, how does it become a Hmong trait? It sounds so much better when a Hmong woman dates a non-Hmong man because she loves him, rather than her philosophy about how all Hmong men are these stereotypical, asexual, misogynists group of people.
No more stereotypical small penis jokes too. Asian men in general get such a bad reputation in pop culture. Asian women have it bad, but so do Asian men, in different way. Perhaps these portrayals find their way to the masses, influencing them of such idiocy. That Asian guy from 2 Broke Girls. Are we to be compared to the likes of these guys forever?
When he broke out into the mainstream, it gave us Asian men hope. It showed the world that we can be sexy. We can be successful. We can break free from the negative stereotypes that plagued us for years. I doubt that it has ever occurred to these Hmong women that domestic abuse could be the result of Hmong displacement. When they came to the USA many of them could not work decent jobs and had to rely on government assistance. This happens all the time with soldiers returning home to a wife and family that has changed or created new house rules while he was away. Many of our fathers were soldiers!
The China man has killed and put down the Hmong men for many centuries after the Hmong man gave the barbaric China man fire! But glad that you brought it up. Obviously, Hmong displacement has carried much weight in our people. Is it that shocking that our Hmong men sometimes act as they do? Think as they do? Our Hmong men did not lay down their lives for that kind of b. So for a Hmong woman to say that she will not date a Hmong man is more than offensive, it is criminal.
Why Some Hmong Girls Do Not Date Hmong Boys
Its stupid for hmong women to always complain about hmong men clubbing and drinking all the time when the women are doing the same. I do respect them as long as they respect the choices that I make and do not talk down on me. I love being Hmong, but I do not want gender inequalities as someone put it. I want my own identity yet still embrace my culture. I understand there is culture differences and age-wise, but to be outspoken about our feelings or passion is not embraced.
Are you kidding me? I do not want kids, and it is a huge deal when it comes to the Hmong family. I want to travel, get my Masters, and do other things. I want to be independent but also interdependent. I still respect my parents, elders and help around like anyone should. I will not be submissive and passive when it comes to my own health and freedom. If these women want to date and marry outside of their ethnic group why must they first justify their rejection of Hmong boys? Purely offensive however you look at it.
It implies that such Hmong values are inferior. I happen to think that the traditional gender roles are a good measure of how husband and wife should live together and manage the the life they share. If only our younger generation could uphold them because what the article fails to point out is the role of the man the husband. The structure of the Hmong culture is rich, beautiful, and family-oriented.
It also considers all members of the family. The women who carry this mentality are no better than the Hmong men whom they have stereotyped as chauvinistic. They are not the progressive thinkers that they hoped to be. American women fight it every day. However, when the Hmong women puts the white man on a pedestal then she is blinded from seeing his flaws. Continuing on, a few mentioned about the financial stability that a white husband provides but they forget that Hmong men are at a disadvantage based on circumstance.
How long has it taken for Caucasian women to be viewed as equal to their Caucasian men counterparts? And we all know too well that even today, women of all races are still not equal to the Caucasian male in Western societies. The traditional husband and wife roles that Hmong women complain about have existed in Caucasian cultures since the beginning of time!
These traditional roles were still prominent in many Western Caucasian families in the s. How great were women of all ethnicities treated by these apparently more superior and thoughtful Caucasian men throughout history? I will wager that throughout history Hmong men have loved and treated their Hmong wives much better then these Caucasian men and their so-called superior culture.
Why is the divorce rate so high in Western cultures if Westernize men are so much better than the barbaric refugee man? Why is it that you find in places like Thailand and Mexico, the majority of men looking to take advantage of young girls are Caucasian men?
It is a only loser Caucasian men who cannot get a decent Caucasian women that would even consider a Hmong women. So it will be interesting to see as time goes by, what the statistics would be for domestic problems and divorces among Hmong women married to non-Hmong men. If history is any indication, it will statistically average out to be roughly the same to Hmong women being married to Hmong men. But what I hope to convey with this post is that: The white man has manipulated this world so that non-White men — like the Hmong man — fails, and the white man takes everything that belongs to him.
But slowly and surely, the Hmong man will rise up to a much stronger position. And women of all races will be dying to get with a Hmong man! Nonetheless, the Asian woman uses Feminism to oppose the Asian man by viewing the white man as pro-feminism. Asian women do not know their American history very well.
Money does not have all the answers, and if it does then shallow is as shallow comes. Money comes and goes, same thing goes in every relationship that started in the same manner. Domestic violence is always tough to decipher in a relationship. Both sides are always wrong, whether it be the one side or the other. Given no one is perfect like prince charming or whatever race you like, but you have got to give credit to the hmong boys out there for trying. My husband tells me that he is thankful for those Hmong women who leave their Hmong kind to marry other races.
That way, the defects go off to other races while the good Hmong genetic traits are still being kept in our Hmong species. Do what makes you happy. I will admit though, if I had to do it all over again, I would still choose a Hmong man. You know I love blondes and everything American. I was raised in an American culture that constantly streams white American culture down my throat on every level of news, entertainment, and media.
At a younger point in my life I felt my Hmong genetics was inferior, there was a short struggle for identity, and acceptance. I might have even fit that stereotype of Hmong Boys you mention. Let me help make that clear distinction and separation. One who values his culture and preserves his heritage.
One who honors his elders and respects his Women. One who protects his community and shelters his family. Perhaps you forgot about the thousands of brave Hmong Men who laid their lives for you to have this opportunity. There are brave Hmong men who never had the opportunity to educate themselves and have a decent life because circumstances of war.
A lot of good, honorable, admirable Hmong Men died before their time. You are too young to remember these men and their qualities. I will stop there. There are high expectations and responsibility as a married couple, and without the experience and maturity, not to mention education, it is an uphill battle.
To use this as your argument for Hmong girls not dating Hmong boys is preposterous. Once again the Hmong girl proves right of her ignorance towards her Hmong Man. Wow serious, these stereotypes could be said the same for these Hmong girls who decide to associate themselves with the boys you mention. What is to be said about these girls who participate in such similar activities? There obviously is some equal irresponsibility on both parties. Should Hmong Men just pass them up and marry outside of their race? From my experience there are very few Hmong Women who meet expectations of such high standards and truly break the stereotypical Hmong girl.
Yet I hope that every Hmong girl grows up to realize that she has the equal opportunity to do so with the man of her choosing.